Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
