Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
