Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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