She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
