May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
