Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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