but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
