I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
