On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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