i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize