that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
