Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
