??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
