I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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