do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
