I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize