my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
