When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
