I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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