Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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