i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
