i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
