The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Vodka?
Forever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want nice things and good sex
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
