apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
