I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
