wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
