I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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