I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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