apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
