Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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