Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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