my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
