Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
