wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
