Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
