woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
