you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
