I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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