Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
