They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
