he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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