I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
