the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
