Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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