just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
