Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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