wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's official drugs can't kill me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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