she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize