Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize