I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize