What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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