Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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