took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and you said cock pushups were impossible
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
