I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
