I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
