There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
