i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
