I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
