you guys were way drunker than both of me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
