He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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