It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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