Where is the hickey?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
