So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
