I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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