my room smells like sperm. sweet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
