I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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