How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize