his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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