Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
