Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
