i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
