i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
