I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
