a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize