Don't make out with my wife yet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
