Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
