I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize