the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
