I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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