dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
