He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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