rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize