She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
