yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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