he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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