Redeem this text for a blowjob
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He better not be in your backpack
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
