Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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