I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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