The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
