i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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