I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
