does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
